Friday, September 21, 2012

Have you Experienced Loss? Do you Talk about It?

Alexander's Space

I’ve experienced loss.

I lost my son Alexander when we was an infant.

I don’t talk about Alexander that much. Not because I don’t want to.

Give me any excuse to talk about all of my kids and I’m in. Some would just say “give me any excuse to talk” and leave it at that.

Besides, there’s so much to share. All 31 weeks, 5 days of stories worth (yes, the 5 days count, smile).

Remember that time that we went to New York and brought him back a lousy t-shirt. And all the things that we’re doing in his honour.

Alexander Watching Dora

And just today, all three of the kids watched a movie together. Dora the Explorer of course. It’s not Alexander and Max’s favourite but Artemis usually gets her way.

And that’s usually the extent of my story telling.

It’s hard to explain that…

  • While I’m grateful for Max and Artemis, they don’t take away from the sadness that I feel over losing Alexander. I’d liken it to comparing apples to oranges,

  • I say goodnight to Alexander every night and give him a kiss,

  • The kids have to share with him. I even let them tease him sometimes,

  • We talk about him and include him in our every day life. Even though he is not here,

  • I think Max and Artemis believe that every one has a Brother that looks like a bear and sits on a shelf.

Sigh.

Just know that I don’t not talk about him because it hurts too much.

Quite the contrary.

Besos, The Zoo

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9 thoughts on “Have you Experienced Loss? Do you Talk about It?

  1. mamawee

    I am very sorry for your loss;

    I have experienced loss – I had a m/c with my first pregnancy; I lost my father when I was a teenagager – and I still talk to him. We go and “visit” him and it is quite normal for my kids to talk about death because Papa Rick has always been dead…it’s not something they really question

    Reply
  2. Brandi Yee

    Oh my goodness Sarah, I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine how that must feel because I haven’t lost a child. I think it’s so wonderful that you say goodnight to him everynight and blow him kisses. And I think it’s even more wonderful that you include him in yours and your kids lives! I know if it were me, I would do the same. It’s important to keep them “alive” and remembered =) You’re so brave to touch on it on your blog…*HUGS*

    Reply
  3. Elizabeth FrugalMomEh

    Sarah, I can’t comprehend losing a child, and I don’t really know what to say. I do think you are such an amazing and strong woman and I think it is just wonderful that you continue to include him in your life. I struggle enough with the grief of premature birth, I can’t imagine having lost a child and then also going through the experience of having very premature birth.

    Reply
  4. Rene

    Love the post on Alexander – I think it's great that the kids are all growing up together. Thanks for sharing part of your story with us.

    Reply
  5. Jennifer G.

    We have a Logan" bear. My kids like to play with it and they know he is extra special. :-)My boys don't understand that they are missing a brother, but I love how Ava always counts him. I to LOVE talking about my son and don't mind people asking me. 🙂

    Reply
  6. TJZMommy

    thank you for this honesty…I lost my 3 year old son, Zack and we have Elmos everywhere that “represent” him in our home, but he too, is in our every day. Our boys knew him and loved him and we try hard to kep those memories alive.

    Reply
  7. Fiddlin' Dandi

    Thank you for your honesty. I feel for your loss, but I’m glad that you are living life joyfully! We lost a little one at 8 weeks along, but I’m sure that doesn’t compare to losing an infant.

    Reply

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