Wednesday, May 28, 2014

A Balloon For Alexander #babyloss

A Balloon For Alexander

A part of me just wants to post this picture and leave it at that. A picture of a balloon flying up, up and away. I mean, it is Wordless Wednesday, so I doubt that you’d think much of it. Except you might wonder why I’m short on words. I’m not usually very wordless.

The other part of me, the part that makes me his Mother, is excited to share a new story. To create a new memory with a child that I can never touch again. Yet, I’m sad at the same time. Sad that this is my life that I can’t write about hugs and kisses or guitar lessons. Sad that sometimes it’s just easier to let the balloon just be a balloon and let it float… away. But this is our story, So, instead, I share about the balloon in the sky. But not just any balloon…

A Balloon for Alexander.

The day was a special one, they all are. This day, the sun was shining and the whole family was enjoying it’s warmth. The Annual Dandelion Festival was in town and the streets were filled with bouncy castles, drum sets, crayon chalk, bubbles and balloons. Max was most interested in the drums and Artemis had one thing on her mind… balloons. Make that Pink Balloons.

Dandelion Festival Artemis Balloon

The balloons were filled with just enough helium to make them float but not carry The Kids away. Artemis held onto hers like the prized possession it was. We offered to put a loop in it and tie it around her wrist but she would have nothing of it.

For two hours, she managed to think of nothing else. She gazed at it, ensured that it didn’t get tangled and held onto it for dear life. Like she does her baby doll. But then, it happened. The unimaginable.

She let go of it.

Dandelion Festival Artemis Lets Go of Balloon

She reached for it but it was gone. She was in shock. The tears started immediately. She tried to hold them in but there was no hope. They streamed down and there was no stopping them. She tried to blink them away but eventually, they went the way of the “whole arm wipe”. She was so sad.

And then it came to me.

I turned to her and thanked her. Told her that I was thinking of him too and that he would appreciate that she shared her balloon with him. As she watched the balloon rise higher and higher, her tears stopped. As quickly as they had started. And, her frown turned into a smile.

She looked up and waved and said “Enjoy your balloon Alexander”.

That night, as I was tucking Artemis in I told her that I miss Alexander a lot and how much I appreciated her sharing her balloon with him. She replied that she missed him a lot too. And, for the past two days, Artemis has mentioned the balloon several times. About how happy she is that Alexander has it. Such a gentle soul she is.

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82 thoughts on “A Balloon For Alexander #babyloss

  1. Soozle

    Thank you for sharing what must be a very difficult subject to talk about! I really like the fact that you are sharing the memory of your son with your other kids – it’s very special.

    Reply
    1. Tricia Hope

      I have watched as other parents have had to say goodbye too early to a child.From sickness,vehicular homicide,or just plainly cruel fate.I have often thought how I,as a parent,would cope with such a devastating loss.The kindness of spirit your daughter shows to her brother is heartfelt and touching.Teaching her to grieve is a valuable life lesson.Praying that Artemis and your whole family continue to move forward on lifes’ path with such courage and grace.

      Reply
  2. Amy Lovell

    thank you for sharing this story with us. Im sure it was very hard to write about it, but Your daughter sounds like a very caring person.

    Reply
  3. MultiTestingMom

    Oh honey, I want to run over to your place and give you and your darling daughter the biggest hug ever! What a lovely and special way to turn what happened into a beautiful oops (have you heard of that book, it’s one of my favourites).

    Alexander will be smiling and I hope that knowing that brings a small piece of joy to your aching heart.

    xo
    MultiTestingMom recently posted…How to use TweetDeck for a Twitter PartyMy Profile

    Reply
      1. Rae

        Thank you for understanding that I am always supporting with great love even (and especially!) when I am unable to find adequate words.
        It’s an honour to know you and bear witness to your story, Sarah. Thank you for sharing it so openly and honestly.
        With smiles, hugs and sunshine,
        ❤ Rae

        Reply
  4. TenaciousC

    Beautiful, thank you for sharing that special moment with us. It brought a wee tear to my eye. Love to you all xo

    Reply
      1. Ali P

        You’re welcome! I know how you feel, to some extent, so every time I read one of your posts, it tugs on my heart strings. Hugs!

        Reply
  5. Kerri Hale

    What a wonderful moment you two shared. This story really touched my heart. So thankful you shared it and I’m sure you can help others heal in the process. Many hugs and God bless Alexander.

    Reply
  6. Jennifer M

    You amaze and inspire me. I can never pretend to understand but I am sending a huge virtual hug your way. XO

    Reply
    1. Sarah Post author

      Dear Jennifer,

      I know that people probably can’t understand and that’s okay. I mean, I wouldn’t want people to think about losing a child. Thanks for the hug.

      Besos, Sarah
      Sarah recently posted…A Symphony of VINESMy Profile

      Reply
  7. Debbie S.

    The beautifulness of your family is so alive and real in this story! Bless you and your family. Besos and hugs!

    Reply
  8. Rene

    Sidney has mentioned the balloon too, even to total strangers. She has told everyone that Alexander has two balloons. I am sure the people at the grocery store are clueless to what she means, and she might be to (to a degree) but I am not. What a sweet thing.

    Reply
  9. Debbie W

    This is wonderful way of demonstrating how to make good of a bad situation. You might find her wanting to release more balloons.

    Reply
  10. Christy Martin

    Beautiful! Such a great tribute to continue every year or everytime she has a balloon to share.

    Reply
    1. Sarah Post author

      Dear Christy,

      Balloon releases are very common in the “Baby Loss” Community but we’ve never done it. Until now. We might just have to make it an annual. We’ll see what The Kids come up with.

      As always, thank you so much for all your support.

      Besos, Sarah
      Sarah recently posted…What Do You Do When Telemarketers Call?My Profile

      Reply
  11. Leah B

    That is a cute story. We always tie the balloon to the wrist of our little ones so they don’t float away.

    Reply
    1. Sarah Post author

      Dear Tara,

      Every time I mother him, I realize a little more that I’m doing alright with this Mom job. There aren’t any manuals to raising deceased children or the experiences that you face but we’re doing just fine.

      Besos, Sarah
      Sarah recently posted…I Should Lie More To My KidsMy Profile

      Reply
  12. angie williams

    im crying sitting here reading through all your blog postings i’ve missed. you have always looked out for me and i appreciate it. as we come up on the 3rd year for leia’s angelversary i am remembered i dont’ have to be alone in my grief journey. hugs

    Reply

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