Want to join a club that has a life-time membership, no financial fee, does not discriminate and has you rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous?
Sounds too good to be true or something out of Rumpelstilskin?
Pretty close except this is no fairy tale and admission is the life of your child.
On December 11, 2009, I gave birth to three children… at once.
Nine days later, I held my son Alexander for the first and last time.
My life was forever changed.
In an instant, I entered a club along with millions of other Mothers. One that you can never leave…
I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that Alexander is gone and nothing will bring him back.
I haven’t moved on. I haven’t forgotten. I’ll never be over him.
I’ve chosen to live.
I’d love to write more about Alexander but people don’t understand. For some reason, it matters to me that they don’t.
My therapist told me that I can’t educate the world about what it’s like to lose a child. She said to “pick a few people close to you and focus on them”.
I’ve chosen you.
Here are some of the things that I want you to know…
He existed. Lost shortly after conception, born still, nine days of life; they all count. I don’t know why people ask how long Alexander lived. Maybe they think that the shorter the life, the less the pain. I’ve given up wondering. He exists.
He is not really here. Trust me, I know. I do not think that a bear, picture or any of my existing kids replace him. Having said that, he still has dinner with us, dresses up for special occasions and The Kids need to share with him.
Three = Triplets. Maybe people feel awkward calling The Kids “Triplets”, after all, there is only two of them here on Earth. If that’s the case, lose the label all together. Call them by their names. They are not and never will be twins.
Try Your Best. Everyone deals with loss differently. There is nothing that you can say that will make me feel worse than I already do. Nothing. I don’t know what to say any more than you do. Bottom line, I know you mean well.
Sometimes less is more. And with that, I close for today.
As always, I encourage you to ask questions. I love talking about all three of my kids.
If you know someone who has lost a child, and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died–you’re not reminding them. They didn’t forget they died. What you’re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift.
May 5 is International Bereaved Mother’s Day. To find out more about the day and meaning behind it, please read this post by a fellow Baby Loss Mother, Carly Marie who also created the logo above.
You can link up your own Bereaved Mother’s Day post at No Holding Back.