Monday, October 17, 2011

Plugs for Publicity and Other Mundane Stuff

So as to not alienate my two loyal followers, I will start with the Mundane Stuff. Note that this Stuff will not be Mundane if you are named Nanna or Poppa.

This post is really long (maybe my longest yet) and discusses my kids bowel movements. Should you continue (at your own risk), suggested reading libations include two alcoholic beverages (at a minimum). You’ve been warned.

A couple of weeks ago, Max and Artemis were introduced to Mr. Potato Head. Great invention once your child stops putting things into their mouth. The kids can pretty much get him all dressed (including glasses) with everything in the right spot. Unfortunately for us, the window between not eating the small pieces and using yourself as a Human Mr. Potato Head was short. Today, Max started inserting the nose, mouth and ear pieces into his said orifices (Artemis quickly followed). Good bye Mr. Potato Head (for now). Sorry, no picture, I was too lazy responsible to run for the camera.

This afternoon, Artemis woke up early from her nap and wouldn’t quiet down. I went in to make sure that Teddy hadn’t been ejected from her crib and saw that she was trying to “talk” to me. She kept saying “mama” and then patting her bum. Sure enough, she had a dirty diaper. Lately, when the smell tells me so, I’ve been asking them if they have a dirty diaper and a few times Artemis has (correctly) answered in the affirmative. Max could give a crap (pardon the pun).

Tonight during their annual bath, Artemis started to flatulate. This is a normal occurrence as bath time tends to end prematurely after a chocolate bar is spotted, hey, that’s not a chocolate bar (anyone recognize the movie reference?) her generous gift. In light of our earlier “conversation”, I thought that I would try her on the potty. No pressure just see if she would sit on it (note that she has stood IN it before but never sat ON it). Well, it went well. Well enough that I had time to call Ed and have him hand me the camera and take nine shots. During her bath, she asked to be put on the potty TWO more times. Nothing came of it (except some great shots to show at her wedding) but she appeared to enjoy the experience, was proud of herself and loved all the accolades.

Just this week, whenever we get to the last page of a book or the credits come up (Nanna’s been here so they’ve been watching a fair amount of tv), the kids (especially Artemis) get teary eyed and start to cry. Once distracted, they quickly forget about it but it’s hilarious to watch. It’s like they think that they’ll never see Elmo again.

Last night, I put steamed vegetables (but not yet pureed, no, I’m not willing to talk about the fact that I STILL puree my kids vegetables, sweet potatoes and carrots to be exact) in a container. The vegetables came up to the lower ring. Using my (not very) scientific brain, I thought, well, the vegetables aren’t even packed down so there’s some air pockets in there so when I puree them, they’ll still all fit. Nope. How is that even possible? It should come as no surprise that science wasn’t one of my stronger subjects. The reason why I even cared was because I like to use the same container. Same container = Less dishes. Yes,

I’m cheap like that.

As all good things must come to an end, after seven sleeps, Nanna went home today. In keeping with tradition, we took pictures of Nanna with the kids. Remember the good ‘ole days where the kids would just hang out,

(literally) at two months,

six months,

or even 11 months.

By 19 months,

the writing was on the wall. Sure, we made excuses (he’s tired, she’s teething). However, there’s no denying it now. Here are some pictures from this mornings photo session. Good Times, Yeah. Credit given to J.A. (which stands for “Jill Awesome”), a blog that I stalk.

Note that all ages reflect their “actual age” and not their “adjusted age” as I know that it really bothers Cousin Kev if it’s not clearly stated. Only two more months and then you’re in the clear…

Moving onto Plugs, I’m not talking about these, these or these (credit to Ed).

I do some of my best thinking when hot water is involved. Today while doing the dishes, I realized that while my mother is right about many things (she says I’m pretty and really smart, see, she’s right), she is a bit off in thinking that I’m so “internet savvy” that I should be a “professional blogger”.

I say this because, I just realized why people separate key words with periods. Such as Micr.osoft or A.pple. They do it so that search engines (and in turn the company, which is usually the case) won’t find their post. If I’m wrong about this, no need to correct me, I’ve already admitted that I’m not internet savvy. Moving on.

For example, if I wanted to comment about Cheer.ios (, note the comment from the Cheer.ios Facebook Team asking if they could send this post to their 500,000 fans. Yes, you read that correctly 500,000) and not have them find me, I would just add a period (like I did, I don’t want them to find me again unless…).

Or, if I actually wanted the company to find me, I would make the title “I Love Old Navy Socks” and leave it at that. By the way, I thought about making that the title of this post but I’m so not like that…

Another thing that makes me not internet savvy is that I never realized why people had to clearly publish that they were “compensated for their post”.

You see, I don’t have the problem of having people give me things for free like say a bunch of pairs of kids Old Navy Socks (size 2-3T) and/or cash in exchange for me writing something nice about them. Think about it. Why would Old Navy offer me anything (like a bunch of kids socks, size 2-3T) when I give a list of all their awesomeness for FREE? I mean, I’m so naive (not to be confused with knave) that I would go so far as to give a list of reasons why “I Love Old Navy Socks” and all for $0;

1. The size on the sock actually reflects the actual size of the kids foot (note to Cousin Kev, that is actual and not adjusted),
2. They have tons of amazing colours and designs (unfortunately, they were out of our size in the ones that we really liked; Dinosaurs and Argyle, I mean every boy needs Dinosaur and Argyle socks),
3. The socks can be neatly rolled to the ankle and not bug an almost 2 year old toddler, or, they can be unrolled and stretch all the way to their knees. What AWESOMENESS! I hate seeing kids, especially in the winter with exposed ankles, poor things,
4. To top it off, they’re currently on sale for $1.25 a pair! Yes, even my SUPER cheap friend Rene (juries out on who’s cheaper) would spring that for a pair (or 10). But she’s so cheap, she’ll probably just wait for my kids hand-me-downs and given their quality (hey, that should be #5), she’ll still get some use out of them (I better not hear from Old Navy’s lawyers on how I’ve screwed them out of sales because it’s not my fault that their stuff is such great quality).

While I’m at it, I should let you know that I also LOVE Mountain Equipment Co-op. Pretty much every aspect of their business rocks; quality, customer service, prices, variety. Ed and I went there yesterday (thanks again for babysitting Nanna) to exchange our super awesome, can’t live without baby carrier. We got it just before we left on vacation in August and upon returning noticed that the upright support stand was out of whack. Nathan at customer service took it back, no questions asked and replaced it with a new one. We didn’t even have our original receipt. He did mention that MEC likes you to return the item as soon as possible (something about their warrantee people, yadda, yadda). I joined at their Toronto location in 1990 and will continue to do business with them.

Seeing as I’m on a roll, To top it off, I bought some stuff from Karen at A Mother’s Touch this week. Being the awesomeness that she is (I love the word AWESOMENESS), she offered to meet me in Kemptville so that I could save (100%) on shipping. She was in the area having lunch with friends but still! The stuff I got was just as I expected (I ordered online, I was an online virgin) and she took the time to answer my 3,000 questions (even though she needed to rush home to save help her husband with her FOUR kids Halloween party.

I was going to write that “I was not (yet) compensated for anything that I stated in this post” except Karen really messed things up for me. You see, she threw in some free organic soap nuts (by the way, thank you Karen!). In my opinion, it doesn’t really count because I don’t know what they are or how to use them as compensation because she didn’t/doesn’t (but I will tell her) know that I had a blog or that I would be writing about it. I mean, she might have given them to me so that I would tell friends but we can’t blame her for being a good business woman. Regardless, I am going to air on the side of caution because I don’t want any problems with the “legal beagles”.

I admit, I have no shame.

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