Saturday, February 25, 2012

A Play. Perhaps a Comedy: A Tortuous Transition

[A play. Perhaps a comedy.]

Artemis has been able to climb out of her pack n’ play (herein referred to as “crib”) for several weeks. We thought that we stifled that behavior by moving Max’s crib clear across the room (she was climbing from one crib into another). So naïve. [Shakes head in disappointment].

ACT ONE, Scene One
[The curtain rises. I am sitting at my desk checking email. The kids are having their daily nap/quiet time…]

After a while, I started to hear some “activity” but figured that they were just throwing everything out of their cribs (as usual). Then, I heard a knock at the door. However, it wasn’t coming from the direction of the front door but rather the bedroom. How could that be? I went to investigate and found that both kids had gotten (pretty near) naked and climbed out of their cribs. Havoc was their middle name.

[Scene ends with me making a mental note to talk to Ed about transitioning to “big kid beds” in the future…}.

Note that Scene One was written at Noon today.

Scene Two
It’s 7pm.

At the end of Scene One, I was confident in my plan to wait for Ed to get home to discuss the transition. I mean, what’s the rush to get them into big kid beds, they’re only two not twenty…

Unfortunately for me, that that’s not how things ended. [Shakes head in sadness, they’re growing up so fast].

[The kids are once again in their cribs].

Three hours after Party #1 started, they finally went down for a nap/quiet time. And that was that. Or so I thought. [Shows serious disbelief for naivety].

That’s when I heard IT. The thump followed by a wail. Sure enough, Max had launched himself out of his crib and onto the hard, cold, emotionless, floor (every play needs a little drama). I got there quickly and he only cried for a minute (thankfully, he didn’t even knock the wind out of himself). That’s when I knew.

I couldn’t wait for their twentieth birthday. I couldn’t wait for Ed to get home tomorrow night. I couldn’t wait.

So, I dragged out the single mattress, put it on the floor (I left the cribs set up) and got them to help my put on the bear sheet (the bears have since been named “Alexander”). They couldn’t WAIT to get to bed.

There’s a first (and last) time for everything.

I am currently sitting outside the bedroom door (in the kitchen), listening to them throw Party #2. They’ve tried everything; sneaking a peek, closing the door, coming out to visit, wrestling (Artemis usually ends up on the bottom), needing water, trying to engage me in (totally adorable) conversation, wanting their soother (they keep throwing them into their cribs). You name it. Each activity is usually followed by them running back and jumping on the bed.

In case you were unaware.

My strategy. A little of everything. A lot of nothing.

[The entire bedroom (less their bed) is now in the kitchen.]

Are they human? Will they never sleep?

I am tough. But, there are two of them.

It’s going to be a long night.

Yet another of many more to come.

[Scene Two ends with me crying into a puddle of tears. Not really but I’m loving all this drama].


Scene Three
[During the Intermission, the kids drank two sippy cups full of water (where did they come from?), cried out for Daddy to come save them and almost collapsed from sheer amusement (add a couple of bumps and bruises for good measure)].

It’s 9:23pm. Two hours, 23 minutes since the commencement of Scene Two.

Maximilian Artemis Sleeping

Sweet Dreams.

[Note that I risked considerable torment to take this (crappy) picture (I needed to use a flash). However, my commitment to my loyal followers is well documented. That and I will stop at (almost) nothing to obtain “embarrassing” photos to show at my kids wedding].

Scene Three Ends.


8 thoughts on “A Play. Perhaps a Comedy: A Tortuous Transition

  1. Elizabeth Matthiesen

    Brilliantly written, loved reading every sentence. Brings back such fond (just joking!) memories of my kids, so hopefully it just means kids are kids 🙂 Of my 7 only 1 ever went to bed and stayed there, she sang to herself after I read her a story and surprised me by falling asleep. Unlike her siblings who used every trick in the book to not go to sleep. I used to wonder where they got the energy from, by bedtime I really was shattered.


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