Monday, October 8, 2012

Being Adopted Is No Big Deal To Me

A while back, I mentioned that I was adopted. I thought that I’d pretty much covered everything in 231 words, and I did… for me.

But then I realized, perhaps other people, adopted or not might have questions. So, I’m back (and still adopted) to try and answer some of your questions (which, I don’t actually know what they are because you never told me).

Let me start out by saying (again) that my story is a happy one.

A success story.

I knew that I was adopted from the moment that I could know. It was never a secret. In fact, the opposite. There are probably more people who know that I’m adopted then don’t.

For those not adopted, there is no question that your physical and character traits are a mixture of; your parents (for me that would be my adopted parents, herein referred to as “parents”), biological parents and some that are just you. For me, I don’t know about the last two. What’s me and what’s them?

I wonder.

Obviously I’m not biologically related to my Mother and Brother but we share physical characteristics such as; fair skin, blonde hair, and blue eyes. We look like family and many people don’t believe that we aren’t biologically related. And, with respect to my character, I am my Mother’s daughter.

I had always thought that I was 90% Nurture and 10% Nature.

But then I had kids and now I’m not so sure. I see so much of Ed and I in them. Note that I know my kids are their “own people” and not just replicas of Ed and I. Maybe I’m more like my biological parents then I realized, maybe not. Regardless, I’m fine with it either way.

They are a part of my story.

Growing up, I remember frequently reading a book series called “The Adopted Family” which incidentally has found it’s way into the kids bookshelf (Thanks for being a pack rat Nanna). I had two sets of parents that loved me. The other poor kids only had one set (smile).

I was special and knew it!

No one else in my class was adopted but that didn’t matter. I never got teased. If I did, I don’t remember. That was the 70’s and while it wasn’t the 50’s, kids were still cruel and less open. Maybe I got off easy?

I remember a classmate, Jenny finding out at 12 (?) that she was adopted. It didn’t go over well with her or the others. She was teased and ended up leaving the school shortly thereafter. I remember hearing stories about her years on and wondering if the secret of her adoption was the cause of any of her ill-fated choices.

I am so grateful that adoption was never a secret in my house.

Every year, usually about half-way through the day of my birth, I think about my Biological Parents.

I have no doubt that they are thinking about me. Perhaps they wonder what I look like (as I do them). Wonder if they made the right decision. Regret their decision. I hope not.

I am happy.

Over the years, I’ve thought a lot about finding my biological parents. My parents are 110% supportive. I know that Nanna would really like to meet them. I’ve started the process to find them several times but left it at that.

It’s been about seven years since the last time. I figure that it will happen when the time is right. Note that I am well aware that you can’t win a lottery without buying tickets and that if I want to find my biological parents I will have to do something. Some day.

To this day, Nanna tells me how lucky she is to have me and that she couldn’t have made a cuter baby herself. How right she is!

If I had to sum up my feelings on being adopted, I’d say…

Being Adopted Is No Big Deal To Me

Feel free to comment with any questions you have. I have no problem talking about being adopted.

Note that Uncle Andrew and I are not biologically related.

14 thoughts on “Being Adopted Is No Big Deal To Me

  1. Barnicles

    thank you. I have been very interested in adoption and learning about it for the future, as is my sister.
    I would also make it open and be honest about it. I wonder whether some children resent being adopted. I know my ex boyfriend had alot of issues with it.
    I know children are given up for a multitude of reasons and when you adopt you adopt for life. However it concerns me when adopting you may welcome a child that unknown to you has severe problems inherited from their parents or due to drug use during pregnancy.

    Would you ever consider adopting?

    Great post

    Barnicles x

  2. mamawee

    What a great post! I think that when it comes to adoption there needs to be openess with the child – I cannot imagine finding something like that out as an older child, or an adult.

  3. Sober Julie

    I love your prespective, I have 2 cousins who are adopted and each have a very different view. One day we hope to adopt and would always let the child know asap.

  4. Paula Schuck

    Girl: you know I love you! Great post. You are one of my favorite people writing about adoption. It’s funny how sometimes we look like each other. My friend Dana has four kids now. Three have flaming orange hair just like her and her ready made adoptive family of four children that just keeps growing. Her husband shakes his head and says what are the odds I have this many gingers?

    I also hear often that I look like my kids which is physically impossible and yet not so unbelievable when you see my Ainsley. Same curly hair – not the same personality for sure. And my oldest girl is the creative sensitive overachiever and chatterbox with some anxious moments thrown in. She is almost entirely like me in personality. Then out of the blue she has this incredible singing voice. Nobody ever in our family has ever ever had a singing voice worth beans and she could be a professional singer she’s that good. It’s a pretty cool thing to see the new traits our beautiful kids bring to our families.

    I am blown away that you were never teased about adoption. Perhaps it was also your character.

    My oldest was six the first time she witnessed a playmate – adopted from China being teased over her skin colour. She told me. My kids have always known too because really babies know – of course they know. It is intuitive . Even the smells of parents and houses change for them . It frightens me when I hear people who still withhold the information from their children. It is not healthy.

    Hugs and I love reading these posts.


  5. Kathleen Garber

    Great post. Before I had children and was considering adoption, I decided that if I did, I would always let them know right from the start, it would never be a secret. Good to know that worked out for you.

  6. Shayna

    Thanks for sharing Sarah.

    Being adopted can be a complicated matter for some of us. The one thing our stories do have in common is that my parents did tell me I was adopted and a fairly young age which I think was a smart move.

  7. NenaS

    Thanks for sharing, I could never understand why some adoptive parents are so secretive about this! It’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s something to be celebrated. Or at least that’s what I think.

  8. ~ The Country Mouse ~

    My cousin has adopted two girls into their family. I think adoption is a beautiful thing! Before we had kids I was told it was going to be a difficult thing for us to have a family – and I was already to start the adoption process. I still would adopt if I had the means. Thanks for sharing your story.

  9. Deanna T.

    Lovely post! (And that vintage book from your childhood looks very cool!) I think your parents did you a gift, not keeping your adoption secret. Like you I knew a girl who found out later in life and it was hard on her as well. Tough choices for parents to make (all around)though, I’m sure.

  10. Lisa Marie Fletcher

    Never heard of that book, but as an adoptee I SO understand your musings. I am one of 4 adopted kids in my family. We always joked that we were products of environment growing up. One brother and I looked so much like our parents that no one really believed we were adopted!

    We, too, always knew we were adopted. It wasn’t a secret. I can’t imagine it being sprung on my as a youth – how devestating to your world at a time when you need security. I’m thankful my parents were open about it.

    I did meet my birth mom, and we had so much in common. Since we’ve become adults, I’ve come to realize how much is actually nature as opposed to nurture. My adoptive siblings have a lot of exact personalities, scenarios, medical history, and experiences that their biological families had. It’s actually rather scary at times the mirroring of their history.

    <3 Hugs to you!

  11. MikiHope

    I was just re tweeting this and noticed the subject and clicked in. I was also adopted and also told at a very young age. I was accepted by my whole family and never had a problem with being adopted. Back in 1950, the adoption agencies “locked up” any records of the biological parents info, but honestly I never cared-I was also one of the lucky ones. Of course I do have trouble with doctors wanting to know what my families medical history is–I just smile and say I was adopted–they grumble–because they actually can not tell me to be careful of this or that because of family history! I am glad to hear that someone other then me really had no problems with being adopted!


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