A part of me just wants to post this picture and leave it at that. A picture of a balloon flying up, up and away. I mean, it is Wordless Wednesday, so I doubt that you’d think much of it. Except you might wonder why I’m short on words. I’m not usually very wordless.
The other part of me, the part that makes me his Mother, is excited to share a new story. To create a new memory with a child that I can never touch again. Yet, I’m sad at the same time. Sad that this is my life that I can’t write about hugs and kisses or guitar lessons. Sad that sometimes it’s just easier to let the balloon just be a balloon and let it float… away. But this is our story, So, instead, I share about the balloon in the sky. But not just any balloon…
A Balloon for Alexander.
The day was a special one, they all are. This day, the sun was shining and the whole family was enjoying it’s warmth. The Annual Dandelion Festival was in town and the streets were filled with bouncy castles, drum sets, crayon chalk, bubbles and balloons. Max was most interested in the drums and Artemis had one thing on her mind… balloons. Make that Pink Balloons.
The balloons were filled with just enough helium to make them float but not carry The Kids away. Artemis held onto hers like the prized possession it was. We offered to put a loop in it and tie it around her wrist but she would have nothing of it.
For two hours, she managed to think of nothing else. She gazed at it, ensured that it didn’t get tangled and held onto it for dear life. Like she does her baby doll. But then, it happened. The unimaginable.
She let go of it.
She reached for it but it was gone. She was in shock. The tears started immediately. She tried to hold them in but there was no hope. They streamed down and there was no stopping them. She tried to blink them away but eventually, they went the way of the “whole arm wipe”. She was so sad.
And then it came to me.
I turned to her and thanked her. Told her that I was thinking of him too and that he would appreciate that she shared her balloon with him. As she watched the balloon rise higher and higher, her tears stopped. As quickly as they had started. And, her frown turned into a smile.
She looked up and waved and said “Enjoy your balloon Alexander”.
That night, as I was tucking Artemis in I told her that I miss Alexander a lot and how much I appreciated her sharing her balloon with him. She replied that she missed him a lot too. And, for the past two days, Artemis has mentioned the balloon several times. About how happy she is that Alexander has it. Such a gentle soul she is.
Thank you for sharing what must be a very difficult subject to talk about! I really like the fact that you are sharing the memory of your son with your other kids - it’s very special.
I have watched as other parents have had to say goodbye too early to a child.From sickness,vehicular homicide,or just plainly cruel fate.I have often thought how I,as a parent,would cope with such a devastating loss.The kindness of spirit your daughter shows to her brother is heartfelt and touching.Teaching her to grieve is a valuable life lesson.Praying that Artemis and your whole family continue to move forward on lifes’ path with such courage and grace.
Dear Tricia,
Grieving is a very important lesson and something I didn’t learn until I lost Alexander. It’s a work in progress.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Dear Soozle,
It’s tough to talk about Alexander but it’s also difficult to not talk about him. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…One of Many Reasons Why I Live In The Country
thank you for sharing this story with us. Im sure it was very hard to write about it, but Your daughter sounds like a very caring person.
Dear Amy,
It was difficult to write yet it was easy at the same time. Thanks for being a part of our journey.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
Oh honey, I want to run over to your place and give you and your darling daughter the biggest hug ever! What a lovely and special way to turn what happened into a beautiful oops (have you heard of that book, it’s one of my favourites).
Alexander will be smiling and I hope that knowing that brings a small piece of joy to your aching heart.
xo
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Dear MTM,
I haven’t heard of the book that you refer to until now (http://barneysaltzberg.com/?q=node/103). Thanks for sharing and all your support.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…A Symphony of VINES
Oh you MUST get your hands on a copy! It is so lovely!!! Your kids will love it AND the saying will always stick in your family like it has in ours - I promise!
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❤ ❤ ❤
Dear Rae,
It matters so much to know that you’re always reading, supporting and loving. I am so fortunate to know you.
Besos, Sarah
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Thank you for understanding that I am always supporting with great love even (and especially!) when I am unable to find adequate words.
It’s an honour to know you and bear witness to your story, Sarah. Thank you for sharing it so openly and honestly.
With smiles, hugs and sunshine,
❤ Rae
Oh Sarah, that made me cry. What a great way to turn it around for her
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Dear Ashley,
I was so happy that I saw the opportunity. It’s right up there on my list of “Proud Moments in My Life”.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…One of Many Reasons Why I Live In The Country
Kyle lost a balloon on Saturday (after a birthday party) it immediately made me think of this, and I told him that it was going to Papa Rick and he was going to be so happy that Kyle shared his balloon with him.
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Dear Ashley,
So kind of you to think of us and then share your beautiful story with us. It means so much.
I’m sure Papa Rick is honoured that you thought of him as well.
Besos Sarah.
Sarah recently posted…Would You Have Stopped to Help?
<3 <3 <3
Dear Shannon,
Thank you so much for letting me share a part of Alexander’s story with you.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Tears…. hugs to you and to your sweet family!
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Dear Shelly,
Thank you for reading and caring. It matters so much.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
I love that kid! All your kids. And you. Hugs my friend.
Dear Shayna,
I am fortunate to have met you and your lovely family. It has changed my life.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
Beautiful, thank you for sharing that special moment with us. It brought a wee tear to my eye. Love to you all xo
Dear C,
I love that even though we are a country a part, we are still in each others lives. Thanks for reading along and keeping in touch. It’s always a joy to see that you’ve been here.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
I love that story! Thank you for sharing it with us. Hugs and love to you <3
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Dear Christy,
The next balloon with be for Kevin.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…A Symphony of VINES
Thank you <3
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So very sweet!
Dear Laurie,
It was so sweet. Thanks for being a part of our journey.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…One of Many Reasons Why I Live In The Country
What an amazing way to handle that! It helps Alexander be a part of their every day lives like he is a part of yours. Hugs Mama.
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Dear Shari,
I am so fortunate to have Alexander be a part of my every day. Thanks for sharing in a part of his story.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Thanks for sharing this! Your daughter is so sweet!
Dear Ali,
Thanks for reading along and always showing your support. It matters. A lot.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
You’re welcome! I know how you feel, to some extent, so every time I read one of your posts, it tugs on my heart strings. Hugs!
Eyes are watering and I can hardly type. What a beautiful story, Sarah. XO
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Dear Sandy,
Same here. Thanks for all your love and support.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Summer Must-Haves for Kids and Cleaning @ShopprsDrugMart #OnlyAtShoppers #giveaway, CAN, 6/6
a beautiful story, thanks for sharing! <3
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Dear Jennifer,
Thanks for reading along and showing your support. I appreciate it.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…One of Many Reasons Why I Live In The Country
Pretty much crying like Artemis now Needing the whole sleeve to wipes them away! What a lovely story and sister and Mom (Max you are pretty fabulous too!)
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Dear Cathy,
We are all so lucky to have great friends in our life. Those that encourage us to talk about Alexander and share our story. Thanks for being one of those people.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Thank you for sharing this. It is a beautiful story.
Dear KD,
Thanks for reading. It matters so much.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…What Do You Do When Telemarketers Call?
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story. Hugs
Dear Lynda,
It’s hard to share but it’s hard to not share. Thanks for reading.
Besos, Sarah
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What a wonderful moment you two shared. This story really touched my heart. So thankful you shared it and I’m sure you can help others heal in the process. Many hugs and God bless Alexander.
Dear Kerri,
For the first few years, I always worried that I would forget about Alexander. If it gives parents peace to know that they won’t forget then I’m happy to share.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…One of Many Reasons Why I Live In The Country
Beautiful.
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Dear Catherine,
Thanks for reading and for all your support. It always brings a smile to my face to see that you’ve stopped by to share in our journey.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Beautiful. Just Beautiful!
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Dear Laurel,
Thank you. These posts are the easiest and hardest ones to write at the same time.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
You amaze and inspire me. I can never pretend to understand but I am sending a huge virtual hug your way. XO
Dear Jennifer,
I know that people probably can’t understand and that’s okay. I mean, I wouldn’t want people to think about losing a child. Thanks for the hug.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…A Symphony of VINES
Thank you for having the courage to share, Sarah. Heartfelt hugs to you and your family.
Julie Dyer recently posted…Gazpacho for one
My heart just got a jolt. You are a beautiful soul Sarah. <3
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My heart hurts for you and your story is so inspiring as well. How beautiful that you can share this moment with your daughter who’s perspective on letting go of her balloon with the comfort of knowing she has shared it with Alexander….is well beyond her years. Thank you for sharing such an amazing moment with the rest of us.
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Dear DeBalino,
I was thinking of you when I wrote it. Glad you found it.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Summer Must-Haves for Kids and Cleaning @ShopprsDrugMart #OnlyAtShoppers #giveaway, CAN, 6/6
What a touching story. Thanks for sharing.
Dear Julie,
Thanks for reading. It matters so much to share our story and have people be a part of it.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…What Do You Do When Telemarketers Call?
The beautifulness of your family is so alive and real in this story! Bless you and your family. Besos and hugs!
Dear Debbie,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I love sharing about my family. Each and every member.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Taste Coffee and Teas of The World @BuyCoffeeCanada #Giveaway, CAN, 7/4
Sidney has mentioned the balloon too, even to total strangers. She has told everyone that Alexander has two balloons. I am sure the people at the grocery store are clueless to what she means, and she might be to (to a degree) but I am not. What a sweet thing.
Dear Rene,
Thanks for sharing Sidney’s story. Kids understand. Sometimes more than we do.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…One of Many Reasons Why I Live In The Country
Thanks for sharing.
Dear Eldon,
Thank you very much for reading.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Thank you for sharing.
Dear Kirsten,
I matters so much to know that people are listening. Thanks for reading.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
This is wonderful way of demonstrating how to make good of a bad situation. You might find her wanting to release more balloons.
Dear Debbie,
Let the balloon releasing begin!
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…A Symphony of VINES
This just made me bawl like a baby! Thank you for sharing this with us!
Dear Jennifer,
That makes at least two of us crying. Thanks for reading and sharing.
Besos, Sarah
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Beautiful! Such a great tribute to continue every year or everytime she has a balloon to share.
Dear Christy,
Balloon releases are very common in the “Baby Loss” Community but we’ve never done it. Until now. We might just have to make it an annual. We’ll see what The Kids come up with.
As always, thank you so much for all your support.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…What Do You Do When Telemarketers Call?
You brought tears to my eyes! What a sweetie!
Dear Heidi,
I’m really lucky to have such great kids and people in my life. Present company included. Thanks for reading a part of Alexanders story.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Ideas for Getting Your Child to Eat
Lovely,I really enjoyed this !
Dear Kathy,
Thank you for sharing a part of our journey with us.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Taste Coffee and Teas of The World @BuyCoffeeCanada #Giveaway, CAN, 7/4
That is a cute story. We always tie the balloon to the wrist of our little ones so they don’t float away.
Dear Leah,
I wanted to tie it to her wrist but Artemis would have nothing to do with it. Maybe she knew?
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Whether We’re Talking Apples or Kids, I Have Triplets #babyloss
Really sweet. And quick thinking too Mama! Thank you for sharing this story, as hard as it probably is - I’m glad that you put the words down and didn’t just leave it at the photo. xo
Tara @ Don’t Lick the Deck recently posted…Staying Connected When Traveling
Dear Tara,
Every time I mother him, I realize a little more that I’m doing alright with this Mom job. There aren’t any manuals to raising deceased children or the experiences that you face but we’re doing just fine.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…I Should Lie More To My Kids
im crying sitting here reading through all your blog postings i’ve missed. you have always looked out for me and i appreciate it. as we come up on the 3rd year for leia’s angelversary i am remembered i dont’ have to be alone in my grief journey. hugs
Dear Angie,
You are never alone. I will always be here.
Besos, Sarah
Sarah recently posted…Death Should Come with a Manual