Thursday, April 18, 2013

Dear Biological Mother, I Have Two Words for You

Letter to Biological Mother

It’s been 41 years since the first and last time that we set eyes on each other. I don’t remember anything about that event. I’m sure you do. Every year, on the day of my birth, I think about you… about being adopted. All day. If we ever meet again, I want you to know what I’ve always wanted to say to you.

Dear Biological Mother,

I think about how you’re thinking about me. Wondering if I’m okay. If you made the right choice. Probably a lot of other thoughts too.

On my 18th birthday, my Mother was so excited to share all the contents of my adoption folder with me. I loved hearing all about you and my Biological Father. It appears that I am a lot like him in personality and looks. I always tell myself that when the time is right, I’ll make the necessary call and find you.

I guess it’s not time yet.

I have daydreams about having you wait at a bus stop while I’m on the third story of a building. Watching your every move and nuance. Do I look like you?

Some of my fellow adoptees believe that adoption is the easy way out.

That is not how I feel.

I think that placing your child for adoption is one of the most difficult decisions that a parent can make.

Prior to December 19, 2009, I didn’t fully understand the sacrifice that you made.

Since losing Alexander, I can’t imagine choosing to live without your child. I feel connected to all that you no longer have. Not as my Biological Mother but as a person that has lost.

I hope that your heart doesn’t stop beating for me, like mine does for Alexander.

I hope that you know that you made the right decision.

If not for You… For Me.

If we ever meet, whether in person or otherwise, there are two words that I have been saving for 41 years…

Thank you.

To All My Friends: As always, please feel free to ask me any questions about my adoption.

46 thoughts on “Dear Biological Mother, I Have Two Words for You

  1. Shayna Murray

    Oh Sarah, I have such mixed emotions when it comes to my biological mother. I don’t think I’ve ever believed what she did was easy. I can’t even say it was her decision. 41 years ago (which happens to be coming up on me right away) things were much different. It might have been her decision but since she still a kid essentially (18) it could have been a choice that was made for her by pressure from family. I have no idea.

    But my mixed feelings have nothing to do with her decision to let me have a family. She didn’t know that wouldn’t work out well. How could she?

  2. Night Owler

    Sarah…excellent letter. My eyes filled up with tears as reading it. I guess I dont know what it’s like b/c I have both of my real parents and have for 29 yrs now. I dont know what its like not to know my parents and not sure how i feel about it.

    I just always wonder why people can give their kids up.

  3. Sandy A

    Wow Sarah, what a wonderful letter. I love your view of your adoption and how you feel about your biological mother. I hope one day she gets to meet you. She’d be proud to know what a wonderful woman you’ve turned out to be:) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Hope it’s a GREAT day!

  4. Rae T.

    This letter was so deeply moving. Thank you for sharing it, Sarah. Your openness, integrity, courage and grace never cease to inspire me.

    You are a precious gift to my world. I also would like to thank your biological mother for the selfish reason that she set in motion events that would lead to us meeting someday.

    Happiest of Birthdays, dear Sarah.

    <3 Rae

  5. Wendy S

    That is beautiful! I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to make the choice to give a child up for adoption; definitely not an easy thing to do. I look forward to the post when you do decide to meet your birth parents.

  6. Kerri Ames

    Oh my gosh, this was so sweet and beautiful. I believe both woman are proud to be your Moms. I cannot imagine the loss of a child, and I think it is awesome that you see the gift she gave you with your family.

  7. Kathryn Lavallee

    It is the hardest thing any mother ever could have to do. It is the action of a mother determined to do what is best for her child even though it’s not what’s best for her. And I know she does think of you. All. The. Time. <3

  8. MikiHope

    From what I have been told my mother was very young and her family not wealthy enough to allow her to keep me. As a result of her selflessness I had parents who loved and cherished me. Do I ever think about her–on occasion. Does she ever think about me-possibly. Back when I was adopted no information was allowed to be given thus unless I want to disrupt her life as well as my own and my Mom’s–I will continue on with my life.

  9. Christy Maurer

    That brought tears to my eyes! I'm glad you biological mother chose to give you life and share you with your mom. I'm sure she thinks of you every day. Happy Birthday to you and to me tomorrow 🙂 Too bad we can't go out to celebrate!

  10. Judy Haughton-James

    This is a touching letter Sarah. I hope the day will come when you get to meet your biological mom and have a real heart to heart talk. Take care and my best wishes to you and your family.

  11. CortlandMB

    I am sure this was so hard to write. Thank you! I have quite a few adoptees in my life. My step mom adopted my brother and sister from Korea, my cousin was adopted from Korea, and my Aunt adopted her daughter from Guatemala.
    My brother and sister are amazing and have such good heads on their shoulders, thanks to the amazing job my step mom did. They have some detachment issues I think

  12. Melissa@Home on Deranged

    How utterly honest and beautiful that was. I think you're right – she does think about you and wonder if she made the right choice. She probably hopes every day your life is amazing, but hurts because she isn't the one who could give it to you. You are very brave for sharing, and I'm glad you did!

  13. Anonymous

    Stacey L

    Thanks for sharing your story. I hope when your ready that you get to meet your biological parents and you get answers to all the unanswered questions you have.

  14. Elizabeth Matthiesen

    Very touching, I have tears in my eyes. My daughter-in-law is adopted and has now connected to her birth mother – a very nice lady I might add. She gave her baby away because she was so young it would have been impossible to cope. It takes real courage to forgo your own happiness with a child. to put the good of the child first. Hat off to all these women who have been brave enough to do this and so give the joy of having a child to someone else.

  15. Ali P

    Giving a child up for adoption is not something to take lightly. I had a friend who was certain that she was going to give her baby up for adoption once she gave birth, but when she looked down into his face, she… just couldn’t. I’m sure your biological mom thinks about you all the time!

  16. James Robb

    I truly feel for you, I couldn’t image my mother having to give me up for adoption, but I do appreciate that she must have had her reasons to give you a better life. That is the most selfless decision she probably ever had to make. My heart goes out to you!

  17. Elva Roberts

    I have a relative who gave her baby up for adoption and she thought of her little girl every day. I felt so sad for her but was not in a position to help her myself .

  18. Debbie W

    Wow!!! Giving up a child is a loss, but with adoption, there are survivors and so many unanswered questions. I couldn’t imagine.

  19. Wanda Tracey

    I have a friend who gave her baby up for adoption and sometimes I will look over at her and she is a hundred miles away and looking very sad.I know she is thinking about her baby.Sometimes we talk about it but not often and usually only when she brings it up.I always tell her she did the right thing because that’s all she could do at the time.

  20. Jess

    Did you always know you were adopted? I’ve thought of adopting for a long time people keep telling me to wait until the kids 16th or 18th birthday to tell them. I Feel like always being open about it is better. :/

    1. Sarah Post author

      Dear Jess,

      First of all, thank you so much for feeling comfortable enough to ask me a question. I’m honoured.

      Yes, I always knew that I was adopted. From as far back as I remember. One of my first group of books that I got there was one about adoption (I still have it).

      I think it went so well for me because I DID know from a young age. It was never a big deal because it didn’t define me and I’m really thankful for that.

      Growing up, I knew of a few people that found out that they were adopted later in life and it didn’t go very well for them. They felt that their parents and family were hiding the fact because there was something wrong or something to be ashamed of.

      I’m not a child psychologist or trained in anything related to “whether to tell a person or not” but you don’t have to read too much literature to see that EVERYONE feels that you should tell the child from the get-go.

      As for me, I 100% feel that the child should be told from the moment they are born. This is not something that should be kept a secret.

      All the best on your adoption journey, even if it’s only in your dreams. Feel free to ask my any other questions you have.

      Besos Sarah.
      Sarah recently posted…Start this Fun Birthday Tradition with Your Kids!My Profile

  21. paula schuck

    This is a beautiful post my friend. I love it and teared up just reading the title.. I have two very different girls and two very different stories and they know a lot about their stories BUT there are many days I really wonder what goes on in their little heads and hearts. I assume they will one day want to meet their birth moms and I still think I will be happy to help with that. I hope to tell both thanks for giving the world such amazing girls. And I hope to thank them. Big hugs to you.
    paula schuck recently posted…15 Great Gardening IdeasMy Profile

    1. Sarah Post author

      Dear Paula,

      I believe that you will support your daughters in whatever path they choose for themselves. Not only because they’re you’re daughters but because you do that with everyone that is fortunate to call you a friend. I hope that this chapter of your daughters has a happy ending, whatever that may be.

      Besos Sarah.
      Sarah recently posted…Have You Ever Forgotten Your Child?My Profile

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